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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.