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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.