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Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.