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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.