Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
My misery likes tequila, not company.