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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.