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I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.