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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook