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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!