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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.