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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.