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You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)