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The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.