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Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
I do not argue, I explain why Iām right.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.