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My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Iād drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
5 symptoms of laziness ā> 1.