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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.