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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
My support group can outdrink your support group.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong