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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
The older I get the better I used to be.