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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.