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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.