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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"