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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but Iām the only one that matters.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.