Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.