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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.