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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"