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Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.