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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one