Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.