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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?