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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.