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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?