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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
I put the PRO in inappropriate!