Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Your personality needs alcohol.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.