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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"