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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.