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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.