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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.