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Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"