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My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.