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How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome