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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.