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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.