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The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls