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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.