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I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
No one has ever been in an empty room.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?