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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.