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I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.