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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.