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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
Siri, where are my pants?
Trust me, I am a liar.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."
is ready to have one too many!