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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)