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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.