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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend