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I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!