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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
As an adult, Iām not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.