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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?