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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.