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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...