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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.