Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...