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I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.