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Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.