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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking