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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.