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I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane Iām making has lace on it.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY