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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.