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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what