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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
Smelling another person should be a choice.