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That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!