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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.