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If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.