Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.