Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. Iām feeling pretty awesome!!