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Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.