Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.