Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.