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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.