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I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.