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That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
It should really be called teethpaste.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..