Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.