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I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.