Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.