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I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."