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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
I`ve given up on giving up.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data