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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?