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Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.