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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Lol at birds that walk places.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.